Wednesday, June 1, 2011

50/50 Chances

My amnio was on Monday.  My own OB performed it this time, and it was a much better experience than I've had in the past.  He was super quick at doing it, and it didn't hurt as much as previously, and there was no cramping involved.

I had to somewhat laugh at the post-care instructions...bedrest not required, but no working, lifting, carrying, bending, laundry, dishes or exertion for two days.  Um...so what does that leave?

We were expecting to get results today (Wed) but got partial results yesterday instead. 

It's a boy.  With being affected with OTC Deficiency (and X linked disorder) this now means that our chances of a healthy baby have dropped from 1 in 4 to 1 in 2.  The 25% chance of baby being affected has now been raised to 50%.  One in two.  50/50 odds.  The odds suck.

I had been hoping to hear it was a girl so that we could shed our worries.  I admit to crying when I found out. I'm glad for the info, but now our concerns have been raised.

For those who don't know our history, baby being affected = baby not living for more than a few days after birth. 

We've already "been there, done that".  I don't feel like doing it again!  In 2003 our son Colin was affected, and died 3 days after birth.  I had found out at 18 weeks pregnant with him that he was affected.  It was a brutal time for us...

For now, we need to wait for the full genetic analysis.  They can't even do it here in Canada, they have to ship the cells from the amnio down to Yale in the States to be examined.  We should have the results in 2-3 weeks.  That time is going to be a terrible waiting period.

In the meantime we're waiting, family is waiting and friends are waiting for the news.  Many of them were with us the first time around and watched us go through everything that time.  We have many, many people rooting for us that baby will be ok.  I sure hope so, because I'm afraid of the mental basketcase I will become if he's not.

I also feel a little bit like an "untouchable"...people don't know what to do or say, so it just gets avoided in many cases.  I also feel like we are getting talked about by people, which is probably true, mostly out of true concern for us, but I am fairly private person all in all (even though most people would think of both my husband and I as extroverted!) so it feels a little weird to feel like my life is on a very public display.  I don't want to be pitied...I just want people to say "It's completely crappy that you are going through this, and I hope/pray that all ends up good."  It's that verbal/written acknowledgment of the situation itself that I personally appreciate.

Overall, despite the 50/50 situation, I am still optimistic that we will have a healthy child (boy!).

3 comments:

  1. Can I just give you a huge hug???? :) I'm thinking of you and praying for the best. If you need me, you know where to find me! xoxox

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  2. You're right, it's crappy, it sucks really! I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I will be thinking of you & also crossing my fingers for a healthy baby :) xo

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  3. Cindy, I am so sorry you and your family! I imagine the waiting is really difficult. I am glad to hear you have friends & family waiting, supporting you. And of course you have ALL OF TWITTER, right?? And of course, this is very very crappy, I will send you ALL the good thoughts that i have.Must have been a hard post to write 9was hard to read) but thanks for posting it!

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